The Importance of Pronouns
Pronouns make an inclusive environment for everyone.
By Justin Abisror (he/his), helpNYC Communications Associate
October 20th is International Pronouns Day, and it is an important day for every person. Pronouns are a necessary part of speech because they double as a sign of respect. Few things make a person feel more mocked than when their pronouns are dishonored.
I had the pleasure of speaking with Shige Sakurai (they/them), the author of MyPronouns.org. They are a transgender person of color and a social justice leader. We were joined by Rue Parkin (he/they), the Co-Founder of helpNYC. We had an in-depth discussion on pronouns and what they mean to us.
Justin Abisror (he/his) (J): It may seem like common sense, but sometimes people are not aware. What are pronouns?
Shige Sakurai (they/them) (S): They’re words that people use in place of the name, usually to be a little bit shorter in our sentences.
J: And what is the importance of pronouns to you?
S: Pronouns are just words. I mean, there are tons of words out there. But I think, to me, a pronoun is a lot like a name. It replaces your name. So for me, it’s just how I want to be referred. Just as I want to be referred to by my name. If somebody uses pronouns to describe me, they should use the pronouns that honor who I am and how I want to be referred to.
J: Can you give us a brief history of pronouns?
S: There’s a great book on this that might be worth taking a look at. I have it here on my shelf. It is called What’s Your Pronoun? Beyond He and She by Dennis Barron (he/him), and it’s basically about some of the history of that, particularly some of the older history looking at they/them pronouns. For example, they/them has been used as singular in literature, usually to describe somebody of a gender unknown to the reader. That dates back to Shakespeare. So there are hundreds of years of saying them as a singular pronoun. However, this book documents another thing: the history of neopronouns, or pronouns that were individually coined to be gender-neutral. That’s been happening since at least the 1800s. So even when we say neo pronoun, we could be talking about 150 years ago. Practices such as like sharing pronouns when we introduce ourselves in a space, some of that might be a bit newer, specifically to help dispel assumptions. I’ve been in rooms where people go around a circle and share names and pronouns for over 21 years. I know folks who’ve had those experiences in the late 90s, so it’s not that new of practice either.
J: That was a perfect answer, and I didn’t know that it dated back to Shakespeare’s time.
S: Yeah, one of the internet memes out there says, “roses are red, violets are blue, singular they is older than singular you” because using the word ‘you’ instead of ‘thou’ is new. It’s more recent than singular ‘they’ in the English language.
J: That’s interesting!
S: It’s fun, but I feel like many people don’t understand what it’s saying because they don’t know that history.
J: It’s interesting how you built an entire website surrounding pronouns. When was the turning point that made you realize this website had to be made?
S: There was a turning point. I was exhausted from explaining why I was sharing my pronouns, how to respect pronouns, how to recover if you make a mistake. It became very exhausting to explain these things over and over and over again, and I wanted for allies to be able to do research and do their homework, so I did not have to be the one to teach it at the moment whenever somebody had a question. So I wanted there to be a better, more substantial, more centralized resource on the internet. Surely, there were some resources about pronouns before that, but not one I could find that was as comprehensive as I wanted it to be. Not that I think my website is fully complete either, but it was a move forward from what I could find at the time. I started it partly because of all of the hate, fear, and horribleness coming up around the 2016 election. The weekend I created the website was right after the inauguration, while protests were happening all around the country. I felt like, “okay, there’s all these marches and protests people are doing, but what is something I can do that’s concrete as an action, and not just be in the street protesting?” So I was doing that too, but how could I make something that was a tool or a resource? That pushed me over the edge to say, “I think I can do this.” I was terrified of what those next four years would look like and how that would impact culture and impact people’s lives. So I felt like this is something that I have within my power: to create a resource, and maybe a few people will use it. And now it’s more like a quarter-million people use it every month.
J: That’s impressive. What was the process of creating the website, and were there any struggles when you first started?
S: Basically, I just wrote it. I haven’t had much time to edit and improve, but I usually try to make some edits to it once a year. Maybe the thing that has evolved the most over time is I’ve changed out a lot of the photos to try to have more representations of actual trans and non-binary people and not just people that I found on stock photos that maybe are not trans or non-binary. It’s not that I want everyone in the pictures to be trans and non-binary because pronouns are about everyone. However, I also just wanted to have more authentic community representations. I started utilizing some community-based stock photos of non-binary folks, then I used one from a disabled people of color stock photos project. I think both of those projects are newer than the website.
J: I remember looking at your website, and I liked all the different pictures I saw on it.
S: Thank you!
J: Looking back at yourself, how do you feel you’ve changed mentally since the website has been public?
S: I think that many things have happened since I put up the website. In addition to making that website, I founded International Pronouns Day. We started that in 2018. I was also the first person in the US to officially get an “X” marker driver’s license. I got the license in the summer of 2017. A few months after that was also part of some things I thought I could take action on that were more at the local level. All these projects and things have just grown exponentially. I was super excited when mypronouns.org had 10,000 visitors at some point. And now it has just exponentially ballooned out in the last year. I thought, “oh, this could be a way that maybe a few different people can come together” so that it wouldn’t be something only I work on. Maybe other people would want to do something around this issue that’s a little more concerted or create visibility around a particular day as a way to start a conversation.
The website has exploded in ways that I did not think that it would. Same with the driver’s license. Now there are 20 states and DC that allow an ‘X’ gender marker, and the federal government is planning to issue X marker passports. That’s quite substantial in four years. I feel like, in many ways, that that means that I have some sense of certainty. I think that validation for everyone is necessary, especially in being honored for who that you are. Calling you by the correct name, calling you by the proper pronouns, acknowledging that you exist, and not erasing you are all important things. I do think that that has shifted over this time. At the same time, there’s a lot of backlash against that, where people are feeling targeted. I have often felt like at the same time that we’re making progress culturally, legally, and otherwise, we also are receiving backlash, and so it’s a bit of both an exciting and challenging time.
J: That’s all the questions I have. I appreciate everything you’ve done and thank you for sharing your stories.
S: I hope it helps!
J: It did! Actually, I have one more question. I was thinking about everything you just said. In society, I think ‘male’ and ‘female’ are very overemphasized, and you and Rue both go by they/them pronouns. I don’t know if this is too personal of a question, but how did you both know you don’t go by male or female pronouns?
S: I learned a lot from Leslie Feinberg. I met Leslie Feinberg in maybe 2003 at an anti-war queer event in Chicago, and Leslie generally talked a lot about social justice issues but also said, “it doesn’t matter to me what pronouns you use. I just want to be treated with respect.” I thought, ‘Wow, okay,’ and I sort of knew that I was gender variant. I had resisted other terminology like genderqueer in the few years before that because genderqueer, at least from my perspective, seemed to be used mainly by young college students: young, white, women’s study students as a term. It felt like it had a particular kind of race, class, and other things attached to it that I was uncomfortable with. So I knew I was gender variant. I met Leslie Feinberg; I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, yes,’ so I said I go by any pronoun by the time I moved to DC in 2003.
I believe when somebody would question what my pronouns were, I would say, “any pronouns are okay.” But I was rarely asked at that time. It wasn’t as much of a discussion. So for me, there’s been a lot of shift and change, coming to explicitly asking people to use they/them pronouns. I was doing this for some years before I created the mypronouns.org website and got tired of having to train people. I still have to do these things, but I have at least the website I could be like, “go read this thing, and then come back and talk to me with your questions” so that I don’t have to start from zero.
Rue Parkin (he/they) (R): I know for myself I don’t fit the masculine stereotype in society.
Even though I am male and I’m cisgender, I do not identify as masculine in society. Also, it allows me more fluidity around my gender expression.
Way back in the day, I used to be a very well-known drag queen in the south and on the eastern seaboard, and I felt comfortable and confident in the female persona, in my feminine rather than my masculine. So I came out as non-binary last year, even though I go by he/they. For me, it’s not political. It’s not that I don’t need someone to validate my existence by my pronoun or my name. Just don’t disrespect me. Please do not call me a derogatory term, do not use the wrong pronoun. You can tell by the tone of someone’s voice when they’re using my deadname, or they’re using the incorrect pronoun. You can tell the menacing in their voice.
I had a friend that got mad at me the other day over something stupid that I had no control over, and they threw my deadname at me, and I was like, “Nope, not going to go there. Goodbye! You calm down, then we’ll talk.” So it has to do with the masculine/feminine binary spectrum for me.
And, Leslie Feinberg, I was on a panel with her. I think it was 1999, the year Stone Butch Blues resurfaced. It was a marriage equality panel. Oh my god, she owned that room. When these bigots came in, I was scared. I was like, “We are going to go to prison.” The moderator could not control her. We just sat there. I was just — I was in awe at her. When I heard she died, I was like, “oh damn it.” I could only imagine what she would have done when ‘Rumpus’ was in office.
For more information about pronouns, please visit mypronouns.org.
Justin Abisror is a Communications Associate volunteer at helpNYC and attends Long Island University at Post studying Business. He strives to help as many people as he can in both his personal and professional life. From experience working with the elderly population and food delivery, Justin is always searching for new ways to lend a helping hand. From creating music projects to helping neighbors and friends with tasks, he tries to give back to society in numerous ways.
